


Catch The Light

by TrishaCollins



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allusions to rape and bad things happening to women, Elite Special Forces Can't Take Anything Seriously, Gen, Mentions of War Crimes, Shipping Your Coworkers For Fun And Profit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-26
Packaged: 2019-06-26 11:58:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15662784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrishaCollins/pseuds/TrishaCollins
Summary: Refugees are a common thing to run into in the ruins, but for the first time he encounters a half Galra child and it triggers some memories of a former classmate. Spoilers for season 7.





	1. Chapter 1

Refugees at the edge of the barrier were a regular thing. The safer ones came through the tunnels, guided by the rebel forces. But those that were in a hurry or just unaware that the tunnels existed usually hung out in the ruins until they tripped over them. 

It was a dangerous game to play, there was always the risk of being found by a Galra patrol and not a human one, but the reward was being hidden in the Garrison so he guessed people were willing to risk it. 

This particular group was small, with a woman who looked vaguely familiar at the head. They had gathered up trade supplies and there were several small children. 

He had about a second to observe them before they all tensed up, and one of the smaller children balled against her mother as he flashlight passed over them. “Who are you?”

“You human?” The woman demanded. “How can we be sure?”

He rolled his eyes, biting back the retort that he wasn’t shooting at them, and waved Veronica forward. 

She immediately took her helmet off and smiled warmly. “Human. Safe. You’re all safe. What part of the country did you come from?” 

“We’re from all over. We escaped from the camp in New York, heard that there was safety here.” 

The child turned her head slightly, squinting at him, face wrinkling up. For a moment her eyes caught the light on his shoulder and glowed. 

Galra. He took an involuntary step back, breath leaving him in a rush.

The woman tensed up, gripping her child closer, and a few of the other children pushed closer to her. 

“She’s mine.” The woman stated, harsh, sharp. “We all escaped from the camp.”

“She’s _galra_.” He stated, not reaching for his gun by pure force of will, because she was a toddler, she was little. She was still a child, even if she had alien eyes. He couldn’t shoot a child, even if the fact that she existed was striking a horrified cord inside him. The other children were clearly human and just as frightened. 

“Griffin, stand down.” Veronica said, stepping forward into touching distance. “It’s alright. He’s just jumpy.”

“She’s mine. They’re both mine.” The woman stated, shifting her bundle. “We stole parts, medicine. I had more freedom to move around.”

Veronica’s hand on her shoulder was sympathetic. “Thank you. We need all of it. Griffin can carry some of it.” 

She even touched the little girl on the top of the head when the child burrowed closer to her mom.

“They…they won’t….” The woman sounded despairing, confused.

“I’ll take you directly to commander Holt, you will all be safe.”

The woman nodded, blowing out a breath. “Ok. That’s ok then. Boys, come on. Julie, get your sister.”

“Yes, mom.” The boy moved forward, lifting the toddler into his arms. She made a little crackling noise in her throat when he picked her up, burying herself into his shoulder. 

He edged around them, picking up one of the heavier looking sacks of supplies, wondering how they’d walked all this way without being captured. Had they used the little Galra girl to trick the sensors? Maybe. Would that even work? 

He didn’t get a proper look at her until they were back through the barrier, and then he was startled by how human the little thing looked. Her face was pale, her eyes were wide and oddly blue-purple. The color nagged at him, pulling at a cord of memory. 

Commander Holt greeted them easily, checking over the children and sending them to medical almost at once. 

It was still nagging at him hours later. Something about the color, something about the shine, and something about the little guttural noise the child had made. He couldn’t put a finger on it. 

“I know her.” Veronica said, suddenly, sadly. 

“You do?” He blinked, drawn out of his thoughts by her voice. “From where?”

“She used to be a nurse. Our brothers…..” Veronica sighed. “I assumed they must be, but it’s kinda horrifying to see the evidence.”

He stared at her blankly, not certain he followed. 

Veronica laughed a bit, though it had the edge of her dark humor, the sort she used when they were pinned down or things seemed bad. “Get with it, Griffin.”

“Get with what? You made a bunch of mixed up statements about brothers and nurses and evidence.” 

“Comfort women.” Veronica stated blandly. “There is another sort of work to put a woman to.” There was no inflection in her tone. 

He shuddered. “Ew.”

Veronica snorted, and elbowed him lightly. “So if that’s not what made you go so quiet, what is?”

“That little girl. Something about her is bugging me. I can’t pin it down. Did you see the way her eyes caught the light?” He asked.

“Mm. You’ve seen Galra do that before.” Veronica looked puzzled.

“Yeah. But not and hide. Something about it, and that noise she made, that little crackling noise that she made when the other kid picked her up? Something about it. Really. Really familiar.” 

Veronica nodded, fidgeting with her cuff. “Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

“Probably. Or I won’t and it will keep bugging me. At least the refugees won’t be bothered by her. The brass on the other hand…”

“Ugh. It’s too late, I don’t want to think about the brass.” Veronica stood up, tugging at her hair. “I need a shower. You staying down here with all of that?” She gestured to the pile of salvage. Theirs and what the little group had brought. 

“Yeah. No sense in letting it walk off on us, we had the whole load of medicine and non-para.” 

“Well. Get some sleep when you can.” Veronica gave him a little wave.

“You too, Lt. Handler.” He responded, dry. 

She laughed. “At ease, Cadet.” 

He rolled his eyes, watching her as she left the hanger, still puzzling over the burst of familiarity. 

He had never met a half-galra child before. There was no reason for her to seem familiar. She looked nothing like the other half of her parent species.

“Griffin. You’re still down here?” Sam sounded curious. “I thought you would have gone to bed by now.”

He motioned to the pile. “I didn’t want any of our unsorted salvage to walk away before it was cataloged.”

“Ah. I doubt anyone would have bothered it, but I appreciate you staying with it.” Sam crouched down and started unpacking the salvage bags.

After a moment, he dropped off the crate to help him. It was relaxing, and it kept his mind off the puzzle.

“Something on your mind?” Sam asked, quiet, after they had been sorting for around an hour, making neat stacks of supplies by area they would be needed in.

“Just the kid.” He answered, after a pause. “I’ve never…I didn’t think they could, you know? I’ve never seen a little Galra before, they’ve all been adults.”

“I’ve met a few. Pure and half. The children are just children for the most part. Sendak is one of the worst, and I doubt he would have tolerated her survival for much longer.” Sam’s face took on something briefly haunted. “They don’t think much of halfblooded children.” 

He blanched, trying not to gag at the thought. “They would have just…I mean.”

“Probably eventually. Or enslaved her.” Sam sighed and shook his head. “In Galra society, half-bloods are not seen as any better than their parent species.” 

“That’s horrible.”

“Mhm.” Sam agreed, placing another sealed packet of medication into the pile. “She’s safe now, and we can only hope that any others are also safe.”

“She feels….” He trailed off, still not able to put the finger down on it. “Wait. We would know if the Galra were here before, right?”

Sam frowned, looking at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean. If there were other Galra on the planet, they wouldn’t have been quiet, would they?” He could suddenly remember where he’d heard the sound before. Keith. It had been Keith, bunching himself into the corner of a play structure to get away. 

“Well, yes. We would.” Sam looked puzzled. 

“But. But could-“ He chewed on his lip. “Is there any chance that one was here before?”

“I suppose anything is possible. Scouts or things like that, I’m sure we would have a record of it, if they were.”

Would they? Keith’s eyes had glowed when the power had gone out, they had shined just like the little Galra child’s when the flashlight had swept over the room. 

“James?” Sam sounded concerned.

“Sorry. Just-caught myself in my thoughts.” He grimaced a smile. “We’re almost done with this. Do you think you can finish with the rest of it?”

“Sure. Get some rest.”

He nodded, hopping to his seat and grabbing his own pack, heading for the lifts. 

Keith. 

Keith might be part Galra. Was Keith even alive? Sam had said that the cadets had gone on to pilot the lions, but the ones he’d heard the most about were Sam’s daughter and Veronica’s brother. 

So what about Keith?


	2. Bit of yesterday

Ms. Espinoza was already hard at work when he got there. “James! Thank god, you didn’t tell me you brought anyone in last night.”

“It was late. I didn’t tell anyone but Commander Holt.” He grinned. 

“Well, Veronica told me this morning. Six children, one just a baby.” She was folding things neatly and shoving them in familiar orange backpacks. “Any guesses at the size?”

“The boys are probably a little bit bigger than Tio.” He held his hand up, approximating the size. “Skinny things, though. The baby girl is small, barely more than a baby. Do we have any of the baby shirts left?”

“Mh. A few. Veronica promised to look for some of them when she went out next, but I would much rather you bring back survivors.” She pushed the little astronaut bears at him. “Make sure every pack has one. Those poor dears. New York, really?”

“That’s what they said, I didn’t hang around for the debrief.” Veronica’s mother was a delight. Really. She was different from his own parents in every way, patient and kind, except when she had something to do. He had been pulled into one of her tasks more than once just by standing near Veronica.   
She tended to treat the MFEs as an extension of her own family due to Veronica’s involvement. 

“Veronica said that the young woman at the head was related to that boy, Hunk, Lance’s friend.” She paused, brow furrowing with worry. 

“I don’t know anything about that.” He knew she had Galra kids. Half galra kids. He hadn’t been able to stop think about that, or how exactly that fit into the whole thing with Keith. 

Or maybe his mind was chasing itself in circles for nothing. Correlation here didn’t mean much. He was relying on his own childhood memories for someone he had bullied and picked on, not for someone he had even known that well. They had been squad mates, eventually, once Shirogane had pounded teamwork into the kid’s head, but before that….well. He’d earned most of the black eyes that Keith had given him. 

“Mm. Poor thing.” 

He carefully put the bears in the packs, trying not to disturb the neat stacks of other items. Mrs. Espinoza had raided the gift shop early on, and had used whatever she found there to brighten the lives of children who came in with the refugees. They only had one chance to be children, she had stated. Nothing could give that back to them. 

“She’s pretty smart. Getting here from where she was.” 

“It’s just a lot of walking. Possibly some swimming, most of the bridges are out. We don’t all have space craft.” She smiled, clearly teasing. “But still. I worry about those who don’t make it this far.”

“We can only spend our energy on the ones we can save, Mrs. Espinoza.” He reminded, trying to keep his voice gentle.

She looked far away for a moment, lips pressing and eyes closing. “I know.” 

He shifted uncomfortably, lowering his head. He knew she had lost people, knew that Veronica’s family had not come through entirely intact. She never talked about it. Veronica talked about it even less. 

But he knew he wasn’t alone in losing people due to admiral Sanda’s refusal to listen. His own parents had called him and demanded he come home before the invasion, not wanting him in the line of fire for whatever the “crazy garrison people” were stewing up. 

He hadn’t heard from them since the first assault. 

Would he have kept on believing without the MFEs? 

Mrs. Espinoza elbowed him. “Zip that one up, let’s go find those poor children and welcome them properly. You should eat with us tonight. I am making tamales.”

His stomach rumbled. “I won’t say no if you have extra.” 

“Ha. You children are always hungry.” 

He grinned, following after her. 

*~*

He could let other people clean his gear, but there was something soothing about doing it himself. They had locked down one corner of the hanger, near enough to the MFEs that he was getting a slight buzz from the contact, but not so close that he would call attention to himself.

Kinkade has his kit out on the floor and was going through testing every element. Rezavi had her boots and was going over them with a hard bristled brush and oil. 

“You met Griffin, but these are the rest of the MFE pilots.” Sam’s voice was cheerful, nodding to each of them. “Specialist Kinkade, Liefsdottir, Rezavi.” 

He glanced up, taking in the young woman standing next to him. 

“This is Nurse Garret. She’s going to be taking over your diet.” Sam introduced. 

“Natia.” The woman introduced herself, giving them all a quick nod.

She looked different now that she was cleaned up, hair piled on the top of her head, and she had put on a clean wrap for the baby, but the little toddler was still clinging to her hip. 

“Nice to see you again.” He said slowly, after a momentary pause. 

“Right. I feel more human now.” She cracked a half smile. “I’m looking forward to helping where I can.” 

Lief looked at the toddler, then at him, questioning.

He shook his head, indicating he would explain the toddler later, and started to put his gear back together. Lief was one of his oldest friends, but he didn’t want her to spook their new nurse. “He tell you about all of the dietary issues we’ve been having?”

“That your caloric intake is triple what it used to be? Yeah. I’ve been looking over the readouts. Sam says you’ve been having all sorts of problems. I guess that’s what we get for throwing you at alien technology. But don’t worry, if there’s one thing my family can do, its cook.” She indicated the toddler. “I want to keep Sefina with me, will that be a problem?”

“No, she’s cute.” Rezavi leaned forward, making playful faces at the toddler. “Do you like the ships? I can take you in Charlie later. I play with Veronica’s niece and nephew all the time. Their family shares pretty tight quarters.”

“My boys are with them.” Natia admitted, hand still resting on the top of the little girl’s head, protecting her. 

Mrs. Espinoza had caught another one. 

He fit his rifle back together, packing the gear together. The orange made the echo of Keith in the little girl more obvious, even though her hair was a different color. Sam was standing back, clearly getting a read on how she fit into the group. He did that whenever he brought them someone new.

There had been a few times when a new member of their tech crew had appeared, been introduced, and then vanished again to wherever Sam had found them in the first place. 

“Let me show you around the MFEs.” Rezavi announced, standing from her work and leaving the brush on the crate she had been sitting on.

Barefoot, in the hanger. He almost wanted to yell at her, but she spun away almost too quickly, one arm hooked through Natia’s. 

“That child is at least fifty percent Galra.” Lief announced when they were far enough away that her voice wouldn’t carry.

“Yup.” He popped the p, watching the trio intently. “Hey, Lief, does that kid remind you of anyone?”

Lief frowned, brow furrowing. “No. I have never encountered a half-galra child before.” 

“No bells? Kinkade?” 

Kinkade gave him an odd look. “No.” 

“You seem to be caught on that, Griffin.” Sam noted. “What’s bothering you?”

“It’s nothing.” He waved it away. “Just too little sleep and too much noise.” 

Too much noise was a bad excuse, but Sam seemed to accept the general mental fog that they were occasionally caught in. 

“Right. Well, if you pin down what is causing this, please let me know?” Sam looked concerned.

“Yes, sir.”


	3. Pass the Time

He made it a week – or exactly five minutes after he settled into the cockpit – before the rest of his team caught on to what he was fussing over.

“What is up with you and Keith? You still holding a torch for him after all this time?” Rezavi asked on their private comm.

“I do not have a crush on Keith, Vi.” He grumbled, running through his pre-flight check.

“I can feel you thinking over him. Why else would you be thinking about him this hard if you were imagining him wrapped arou-“

“Hey. Knock it off. I do not have a crush on Keith, and this channel is monitored. Save your fantasies about dropouts for after the op.” He ordered. 

Rezavi was quiet for a beat. “Ok, he totally has a crush on Keith.”

“Vi!” He groaned. 

“Well if you won’t tell us, I’m going to plan your wedding. I bet Veronica would love to help. Kinkade, you’ll be his best man, right? Or Lief, Lief could be your best man.” 

“I would do it if you asked.” Lief announced quietly.

“Lief! Don’t engage with them. I don’t have a crush on Keith, ok. I think he might be half Galra.” 

There was silence for a long moment while his team absorbed that. “So. Does that make him more or less attractive?” Kinkade asked, in the quiet, soft way of his.

Vi burst into laughter. “Oh man, I hope he likes you. This is going to be hilarious.” 

“Knock it off, all of you.” He could feel how warm his cheeks were under the helmet. “That little girl reminds me of him. Some of the noises she makes, and her eyes.”

Vi snickered over the comms. Kinkade coughed. 

“I hate you all.”

“Not as much as you lurveeee Keith apparently. What color are his eyes, Griffin?” 

He buried his face in his hands. “I hate all of you. I really think he might be Galra. That doesn’t mean anything to you? We went to school with an alien?”

“Why would it mean anything? He clearly didn’t turn into a chest buster or try to invade earth while he was here. I am more concerned by the open assault he is apparently waging on your heart.” Vi appeared on the lower screen, clutching her chest dramatically. “When I think about all the times you’ve refused to get a boyfriend, it all leads back to this. Your crush on Keith.”

“I don’t have a crush on Keith, Vi.”

“It’s just perfect. I wonder if he’ll take your name or if you’ll take his.” Vi leaned back in her seat. “Oh, maybe you could hyphen it. Griffin-Kogane? Kogane-Griffin? You like your boys shorter.”

When had Vi started paying attention to who he spent time with? “We sort of have a job to do.”

“Charlie can fly while I wedding plan.”

“The AI is completely untested in active combat.” He growled. “Don’t risk yourself or the ship.”

Vi sighed. “Back to work, sweetie. We’ll make sure you get invited to the wedding too. He was flying one of those lion things, maybe you two can strike up a friendship too.”

“I’m not marrying Keith!” He snapped.

“Of course you aren’t, you haven’t even asked him yet.” Vi snickered. 

“I’m not asking him to marry me either. He doesn’t even like me, Vi.”

“Aww, baby. Get him some flowers, I’m sure he will come around. All boys like to be romanced even if they pretend they don’t. I’m sure we can bring him around.” 

“MFEs, are you ready to launch?” 

He swallowed a frustrated scream. “Yes, sir. Ready at your command. All systems are a go.”

Vi was still snickering in the background. 

What the hell was his life anymore?   
*~* 

He had arrived at the conclusion that he was going to kill his teammates. Maybe not Lief. But Vi for sure, and maybe Kinkade if he kept backing her up on the silliness. 

He was sure there were other pilots who could handle the MFEs. He could find a few. 

Vi grinned when she saw him. “Hey, loverboy.” 

A few of the cadets nearest them glanced over, but they quickly looked away when they saw his glare. 

“Really, Vi. Knock it off.”

She pouted at him. “You know all the networks are off, I haven’t gotten anything fun on TV in years.” 

“I’m not a TV program.” He sat his tray down, digging into the unidentified mush. It tasted fishy today. Probably will all sorts of additives to make sure they were getting the proper nutrient levels. Hydroponics had a tank blow and the fresh veg had been in short supply. 

“No, I would cast you better if you were.” She settled her chin in her hand, studying him. 

“Why are you obsessed with this?” He muttered around a mouthful of mush. 

“Why are you obsessed with Keith? We all pass our time in our own way. He is a good pilot. Maybe you two could-“

He kicked her hard under the table.

She rubbed her knee and made a face at him, but thankfully quieted for long enough for him to eat his food.


	4. Why Are Humans

Consciousness came back in a wave of pain. He pulled on his wrists before he realized they were attached to something, and stifled a gasp. 

For a moment, dangling there, he had no idea what had happened to him. 

That came back slower, the memory of the tunnel, the click, and then the burst of energy. 

Kinkade was hanging a few feet to his left, helmet off, blood mostly clotted on his forehead and cheek. Which gave him something of a timeline. They had been out for at least an hour. 

The girls were gone, Lief, Vi, Veronica. He wasn’t so optimistic that he could trick himself into believing they had got away. 

He knew they hadn’t. Just like he knew their captor was not Galra. 

Galra didn’t use zip ties to restrain their captives, they used energy restraints. He was just far enough off the ground – broken and covered with rubble though it was – that he couldn’t get any leverage. His hands were mostly numb where they weren’t on fire due to lack of blood to them and nerve compression.

Painfully, carefully, he wiggled his fingers. He knew there was a way to slip out of zip ties. Mostly because he’d seen Keith do it once, with no knife or scissors to aide him. There was a trick of feeding the tie back into itself. He just wasn’t sure that he could do it with his fingers already gone numb. 

But he had to try, the rest of his team needed him. 

It took a lot of false starts, and sacrificing his left arm to do it, but eventually it worked. 

He moved quickly, once he was down, going for the knife on his belt to cut Kinkade down before he let himself ball up, hands pressed into his stomach, muffling the agony by the contact. 

He owed Keith a beer, probably. Someday. If he ever saw him again. At least one. Probably a few more. He had been an asshole as a kid. 

Kinkade groaned, shifting amid the rubble. 

“Hey, buddy. How’s the head?” He was very proud of the lack of pain in his voice. 

“40%. Oh fuck, what hit us?”

“EMP I think, energy burst. These crazies are getting smart.” He closed one of his hands into a fist, trying to judge how long it would take him to have functionality again. 

“mng. Where are the girls?” Kinkade sat up, touching the head wound with a wince. “Where is our gear?” 

He nodded to the corner where their packs had been left in a chaotic pile. “He took the weapons.”

“Sure it’s a he?” Kinkade asked, half crawling to their packs.

“It’s _always_ a he. Women don’t do the lone wolf, last survivor bullshit.” He retorted. 

“Mm. Fair. Shit. Well, if he tries anything with them they’ll take care of themselves.” Kinkade picked through the helmets until he found his own. “Base, this is Kinkade, come in.” 

He watched, not holding onto much hope for a rescue. They were the best the garrison had at this. But that didn’t mean they were the only scouts they had.

Kinkade listened for a second, then shook his head. “Took us deeper in the tunnels. We’re on our own unless we want to bail.”

“I can still pick up the MFEs.” The distance at which he could still pick up the MFEs seemed to be increasing as time went on, the new housing had a decent range on it. He could feel the hum of the engines. But it wasn’t like they could help them deep enough underground that the radios couldn’t reach.

Kinkade tossed him his pack. 

He sighed. “The hard way, then?”

Kinkade grinned. “Do we ever do things the easy way, Griffin? How long have you known me?”

He rolled his eyes. “You know at the garrison they think you’re the strong, silent type. I know the truth, you just want to watch the explosions go off.” 

*~*

The benefit of tunnel crawling without Veronica was that they didn’t need to speak. She was nearly perfect, as a handler, but she couldn’t hear them the way they had started to hear each other. 

The silence wasn’t oppressive, it was useful. It allowed them to blend into the dark and hunt through it. They found their weapons and the girls gear a few tunnels over, folding it into their own packs as they made their way through.

They found the first corpse just a little further in, meat gnawed off the bones, face twisted in horror. Cannibals. 

Fuck. 

“Guess we were in the fridge.” Kinkade muttered. 

He made a face in response. “Ok, shoot to kill then.” 

Kinkade nodded, adjusting his rifle silently as they made their way through. Someone had tunneled through, linking old basements and caves into a makeshift warren. The Galra wouldn’t care. They were on the wrong side of the nearest big city for it to be a risk to the camp. 

“Tribe?” Kinkade asked.

He shook his head, bending down to check a grease patch. Old, no prints. Probably no children then. “Him and his ‘wives’ I’d bet. They don’t mix well with others.” 

“Why are these always the ones that survive? I wish we found more of the crunchy survivalists.” 

He snorted, standing up and creeping down the tunnel. 

“Look, if you just let us go you will probably make it out of this.” Vi sounded bored. 

“Go? Where would you go? The world is in ruin, I’m all that is left.” The voice was slightly unhinged. “I saved you from those other louts. I will treat you properly.”

“Yeah, knocking a girl out really brings the romance back into the situation, right Veronica?”

“Completely.” 

He checked the doorway, trying to project into the link that they were nearby. The link wasn’t exact unless they were in the MFEs. He was more likely to catch involuntary thoughts than anything directed at him. But he had to try. 

For once, Lief responded with a solid image. A cage, makeshift, made of wire and car batteries. Lief, Veronica, Vi, two other women. A man sitting at a makeshift table trying to work one of the Altean guns. Vi’s gun, he recognized Charlie’s handprints on it. Doorway, decent calculations on the shot. Kinkade had his gun pointed at the wall, clearly receiving it as well.

He stepped sideways, using Lief’s still holding image to sight down his rifle.

The cannibals head exploded in a neat puff of red mist, hands still working as his body dropped.

“You took your sweet time.” Vi deadpanned.

“Small head injury, needed to spend some time recovering from it.” Kinkade walked in, studying the makeshift cage before he disconnected one of the batteries and poked at it with the butt of his rifle.

“I’m telling Holt you’re abusing the tech.”

“Are we also going to tell Holt about getting ambushed in the tunnel by Carl The Crazy Cannibal?” Veronica asked, arm over her eyes. “Or are we editing that out of our report?” 

“Carl the Cannibal? Really?” He asked, testing the wiring before he started to pull down the opening.

“He didn’t give a name. So we named him Carl.” Vi shrugged at him. “It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” 

“Mhm. Sure. I think you’re scaring the locals.” Kinkade nodded to the two women. 

The younger one promptly burst into tears.


	5. Let Me Fight

There were times the ruins were more hospitable than home. 

He tried to keep his expression neutral, not even looking at the man who was addressing him, shoulders tense. 

He would have rather been in his flight uniform, it made him feel safe. It was a piece of the MFE that differentiated him from the rest of the cadets. 

Lief was very still behind him.

“Are you going to speak, or are you mute as well as stupid?!” The man boomed out. 

“Go sit down, Lief.” He said, giving everything he had to controlling his temper as much as he wanted to punch this guy in the face. He couldn’t punch this guy in the face. Sam needed him to keep his head. He needed to keep his head. 

Then the guy stepped into his space and gave him a shove. He dug in hard, trying not to lose ground, but the jr. officer was bigger than him. “Knock it off.”

“Fucking _cadets_ thinking that even with everyone else on half rations, they get a full share. Who said you could do that?” 

“We need it.” He snapped, keeping his hands tight at his side. “Take it up with the commanders if you have a problem with it.”

Another shove, he could feel his temper starting to fray.

“Yeah, about that. You seem to be getting all the leeway from the brass. You’re not even _senior_. You’re not even graduated.” Another shove. 

Ok. Fine. He wasn’t getting out of this. 

“I have my orders. So does she. What are yours?” He growled, forcing his voice down into a deeper register. 

“My _orders_ are none of your business, cadet!” The officer threw a punch at his head.

He ducked, focus narrowing down to the engagement. 

The oaf bellowed, taking another swing at him. “Bringing REFGUEEES in. Doing what you want! Double rations when everyone else is on half! What makes you so special?!” 

He jerked his head back, feeling the brush of air over his nose. “I can fl-“

The officer punched him square in the jaw, and he went down hard. 

The next thing he was aware of was Vi leaping over him and hitting the officer like a furious jackrabbit. 

Two punches and a kick to the groin and the officer was down.

“Kinkade, get him up. You just let him hit you? Come on, we have more skill that that.” Vi lectured, glaring around the cafeteria. “Anyone else want some? Because way I see it, we’re the only ones doing something useful.” 

Kinkade was pressing napkins to his face, staunching the blood flow. 

He spat out what might be a tooth, leaning into Kinkade’s side.

“James might be too good to hit you right now, but I will. You got a problem with us? Come on!” Vi snapped, spinning and shoving at his shoulder. “You can take a walk outside the barrier, ask the Galra how fair they are going to be!” 

Silence. 

“What the hell is going on here?” Iverson’s voice cut through her posturing. 

Several things happened at once, most of the people in the room were pointing at them, voices rose all giving a different accounting of what was going on, and Kinkade pushed him behind him. 

“Some people have a problem with our orders, sir.” Vi snapped. “Seem to think we’re getting too much food.”

The officer she had knocked down still wasn’t moving.

Iverson looked at him, sighing. “I thought you were done with the fighting, Griffin?” 

“Old times sake.” He mumbled around the napkin. “I didn’t start it.”

“Sure.” Iverson rolled his eyes. “You four go take your lunch in the officer’s mess. Leave.” 

Kinkade didn’t need to be told twice, already hauling him towards the door.

“And as for the REST-“ Was the last he heard of the lecture. 

“Are you actually hurt? Do we need to go to medical?” Vi rounded on him, prying his mouth open.

“Jf bif my tong.” He mumbled around her fingers. 

“Right. I saw you go down and I flipped. Green probably won’t forgive me.” Vi took a step back and breathed out. “Idiot. Why didn’t you hit him?”

“Fighting him wasn’t going to help.” He mumbled. “They’re angry, they’re hurting, and everyone is missing things.”

Kinkade was silent for a beat. “Growth. Who knew?” 

He shoved at his fellow pilot. “I had to learn a few things, after the world went to shit.”

“Still, Griffin, you can’t just let them hit you. I felt that. It hurt.” Vi tapped her chin.

“You felt it?” He asked, trying to get the bleeding to stop. 

“Absolutely felt it.”

“Huh. We should probably tell Holt that. You felt anything before?” He asked, giving Lief and Kinkade questioning looks.

Kinkade looked embraced for a moment. “Vi’s cramps.”

Vi laughed. “He thought he was dying. It was great. I’ve never felt so appreciated in my life.” 

“I felt it when Kinkade took the blow in the tunnels. I was still awake.” Lief murmured, twisting her sleeves. 

“We should definitely talk to Holt.” Which probably meant more tests. He hated the tests. 

The other three grimaced, and he had to wonder if they shared the thought process. 

“Let’s just. Go get some food, chill out for a bit. Tomorrow is tomorrow and we’ll handle it then.” He suggested, shoving at Kinkade’s shoulder lightly.


	6. Speak Softly

Kinkade had found a guitar somewhere and was absently strumming it, fingers playing a scale down the body of it. 

He stared for a moment from the doorway, then shook his head. “Poker?”

“Mhm.” Kinkade responded. “Grant.”

He snorted, flopping down into his bed. “Why does he even bother to play? He always loses.”

Kinkade shrugged. “Mine broke a string right before.”

“We could find a new string. We’re out there enough. Or you could get Holt to machine you one.” He tucked his arms behind his head, closing his eyes.

“Seems like a waste, doesn’t it?” More absent strumming. Kinkade could play, but right now he didn’t seem to want to bother with a tune.

“Which part?” He retorted, stretching up to press his feet against the top of his bunk.

The strumming paused. “Point.” 

He kept his eyes closed, and Kinkade eventually went back to strumming, the white noise an effective lull for his overstuffed brain.

“Sanda?”

He groaned, pulling the pillow over his face. “We don’t have any rank.”

“No.” Kinkade answered, still strumming. Occasionally, he played a few bars of a recognizable song, but for the most part it was just harmonious noise.

“They won’t give us any rank. Too dangerous.” The bitterness that filled his stomach at the thought ground down every little bit of him.

“Doubt it.” Kinkade agreed. “But they need us.”

“They need the ships. Us? If they could they’d get rid of us right now.” He was pretty sure the thought of getting rid of them was one of the few things that made Sanda smile now that the Galra were here and she was solidly on the wrong side of history. 

But maybe he was just projecting too much onto her, maybe she really liked them, somewhere deep in her cold, shrived, mass murdering heart.

It was hard to feel much empathy for the Admiral when he thought about how many people they could have saved. “She’s decided we can’t take any more refugees.”

“We thought that was coming.” Kinkade said, still strumming. 

“Some of those people will die without out help.” He whispered into the pillow.

“Some of them will die with our help. You can’t save everyone, Griffin.” The warmth of the sympathy he could feel through Alpha only barely undercut the words. 

“Its.” He scrubbed at his face. “We’re killing ourselves.”

Kinkade was quiet except for the strumming. 

“We’re killing us. Earth. Who we are as people. And…and there’s nothing we can do.” Iverson had hammered into his head when he’d first arrived that being a good fighter pilot meant watching out for everyone else. 

But now he couldn’t.

“Sanda has her reasons.” Kinkade said softly.

“But they’re _wrong_ and now more people are going to die. So many have already died.” He flung the pillow hard at the wall, hunching over his knees. “We’re all that’s left. If we don’t…if we’re not helping them, who will?”

“I suppose we have to hope that they will help themselves.” Kinkade sighed. “There’s not a good answer. We bring more people, we starve, we bring less people, they die in a Galra prison camp. Nobody wins. Not even Sanda.” 

“Or because they stepped on a nail and it got infected. We have the medicines. We could help them, even if we didn’t bring them inside. But she’s insisting no contact on our scavenging missions.” Voltron would come, Sam still insisted that it would. But he found himself with less and less things to believe in.

Voltron would come. When? When? 

_It’s not going to bring them back._

It was Vi’s thought, not his own, but it was nearly as instructive as his own thoughts. 

_Even if we saved all of them, it’s not going to bring them back._ He caught a flicker of images, his own neighborhood. Empty, blasted out houses. Some of it had been done with rifles. Spite. Black shadows on the wall from where people had been hit with energy beams, burned out cars. Death. So much death. 

He shouldn’t have tried to go home. 

“I know that.” He spoke the words rather than try to send anything. “I know. But…”

They could save something. He had the sense they could save themselves, and that this might destroy them. 

He forced an image into Alpha, projecting it around the group. Voltron landing outside the barrier, and them all dead and rotted away beneath it. 

Alpha disliked the image immensely, and changed it almost as soon as it got to her. _**Them. Alive. Well. Sanda dead and rotting.**_

“She’s as pushy as you.” Kinkade commented, still strumming. 

“Holt’s right.” He muttered, standing up.

“What about now?” Kinkade asked.

“He just is.” 

Vi’s sympathy followed him out of the room from the other side of the dorms, but she didn’t try to come after him. She was just there, holding his hand mentally, but giving him enough space to storm out and be…away.

Not that he could ever leave the MFEs behind, not really, not now. 

He found his way to Alpha, watching the mechanics craw all over her. She was being pampered, in her mind. Them buffing out scrapes was the best. Like a dog with a treat, though the disagreeable toddler machine wasn’t a dog. She was too smart for that.

He hooked his arm through one of her struts, leaning his head against her shell. 

_Us. Safe. Strong. Sanda. Dirty. Scuffed._

“I know.” He rubbed his hand against her side. “You’re good.”

He could feel the faint hum of machinery beneath his ear. 

_Together. Strong._

Words were new for her, she was still getting the hang of projecting solid concepts and trying to put human words into it was difficult for her. 

“Yeah.” He agreed, closing his eyes. “Yeah. We are.”

She didn’t like the empty streets where he went without her, liked the tunnels less, wanted to fly above their safe zone, and she was pushy, but fast and beautiful when they flew. She didn’t understand why he had gone home because this was the only one she knew. 

He didn’t need a word fir _us_ because it was the first thing she had ever given him, the sense of the ship rising up to meet him. Together.


	7. Chapter 7

They should probably move. 

He knew that rationally, knew that this chaotic tangle of limbs shouldn’t be allowed to keep going. But he couldn’t move. He didn’t really want to.

Lief shifted her head, tucking herself into his stomach with a sigh, Kinkade ran slow fingers up his calves. Vi had her hand laced with his, most of her body resting on Veronica, who didn’t seem any more inclined than he was to restore order.

They were home. He was clinging to every scrap of safety he had, every bit of comfort. 

“You know there’s a couch.” Vi said softly, turning her face into Veronica’s neck, fingers tightening on his.

“Not moving.” Kinkade muttered. 

“Mhm.” He agreed.

Nobody spoke.

He half dozed, startling himself awake as the memories stole into his sleep, catching himself against his team when he did. He could feel the little jerks, hear their gasps, knew they were all living this hell with him.

He didn’t look at a watch, didn’t try to guess how long they had been there, stripped out of their armor and laying senselessly on the floor of their locker room. Together. Pressed as tight together as they could while the wash cycle worked to get the blood and gore off their armor.

“I might throw up.” Vi said distantly. 

It was Veronica that moved then, pulling away from them and walking slowly to the kit on the wall. She returned with a portable spew bag and a bottle of pills. “Sleeping pills. They’ll knock us unconscious.”

Vi wimpered, but took the two that were proffered, burrowing herself back into the side of her partner. 

He swallowed the pills dry and tried to arrange himself more comfortably. 

Lief still had her eyes closed, her face emptied of all expression. For Lief the memories couldn’t fade, they were trapped now inside her head, filed with the first birthday party and her first boyfriend and her mother’s laugh.

They dozed again – more sleep than not sleep, this time, wrapped deeper into each other, curcled and coiled until they felt a little bit safer.

Holt came looking for them eventually. Maybe he’d gotten concerned. Holt insisted they get up, forced them to drink water, to eat a few energy bars, and herded them into the office they had converted into a lounge, piling them with blankets and pillows before dimming the lights.

“He misses his kids.” Vi said, the words sudden and heavy.

Holt was lucky. His family was alive and active in the war.

Vi sniffled, then started to cry. “They wanted me to be a doctor. I was meant to help people.”

“You are helping people, love.” Veronica pressed a kiss to her temple, hmming gently. “You are helping people every day.”

He wanted to have enough of himself left to cry, something that wasn’t the horrified realization that he’d killed today.

Again. Again he’d killed. He’d done it before, but there had been so many. And the bomb…their armor had protected them, but it hadn’t done anything for the refugees they had been protecting. He’d killed today and he’d let people die. 

He had let people die. 

“I don’t…” Lief trailed off, pressing her face into his chest.

“It’ll be ok.” It was a lie and he knew they knew it. “Lets just sleep for now.”

He knew there would be more nightmares, he knew they would come again. But at least there was a chance of other dreams.

Nobody needed them right now. They could steal away for this time and try to forget.

“It will.” Veronica’s voice was gentle, but there was a current under it. “We lost them. It is awful. But we can still do so much for so many other people. The Galra will not win here.”

Vi hiccupped, not saying what she was thinking for once, shifting until most of her was curled up in Veronica’s lap, though her hand was still tight on his. 

“I’m here, Cariño. I won’t leave you.” Veronica murmured, stroking Vi’s hair. “I’m here.” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” He said, soft. “Nobody could have seen the bomb, Vi.”

“I should have.” She whispered. “I should have seen the signs.” 

He didn’t have the energy to argue with her. He closed his eyes and forced himself to sleep.


	8. Feed My Soul

James had no idea what the food was. It had a slightly off-color look to it, and it smelled like nothing. When he poked it, it gave like a sponge and resumed its normal shape.

“Are you going to eat it?” Vi asked, staring down at him. 

“I don’t know what it is.” He admitted. “Any ideas?”

Vi shrugged, dropping down next to him with her own foil packet. “I have no idea. Does it matter?”

“I kinda like to know what I’m putting in my mouth.” 

Vi’s grin turned briefly crude. “Oh yeah?” 

He rolled his eyes and shoved the open packet at her. “Stow that, if you want it so much you eat it.” He levered himself to his feet, stalking away from their makeshift camp.

Their forays into the ruin were getting better. Or at least, they were getting used to moving about in the ruin, what it demanded of them, and when exactly they should stop for away missions. 

Which was now, in the heat of the day, and he really should be in the overhang with the rest of his group but here he was picking cactus fruit and hunting. 

He made up his mind shortly into his foraging mission that next time he would keep a look out for rabbits and edibles when they started the day. He had been on enough survival training to know what could be eaten and what grew around here - not much, but watching Keith had taught him what you could make out of a cactus.

He did, eventually, manage to scare up one rabbit on his hunt.

Vi gave him a look when he came back to camp, still picking at the rubbery thing. 

“Dinner.” He announced, unloading his pack until he found the collapsible pot. “I’m starving.”

Kinkade snorted, but got up to help him in the meal prep. “Makes sense. Save the rations.” 

“You got a rabbit.” Vi deadpanned.

“Suddenly you’re a vegetarian?” He asked, finishing the prep as neatly as possible before he dumped it all in a pot.

“I haven’t had real meat in three weeks.” Vi stood up, walking over to them and peering in the pot as he added most of a jug of water from the jeep. “I never would have thought of this.”

“That’s why I drive. You took the same survival courses I did.” He stirred the pot over the small fire, studying the interior. 

Kinkade cleaned up the prep area, carrying the bones and dumping them away from the camp.

“We have food.” Lief observed quietly. 

“We could survive on that. But I am hungry for taste. And meat.” More rations meant more of the same mushy, tasteless food where vegetables and fish made up the most of it. 

It took time for it to finish cooking down, time in which Kinkade had found spices and salt in the jeeps and made the smell even more appetizing.

By the time he deemed it ready, his stomach was gnawing at itself demanding he feed it. It wasn’t perfect. The rabbit was still tough, and the soup was thin. But compared to the by the numbers nutrition he had been eating for the past months, it was great. 

There wasn’t a speck left in the pot after they finished, but for once he felt full and entirely satisfied by the meal. 

“Ok. That was better than the jello monster.” Vi admitted, scraping the inside of her bowl with a finger, chasing any small bit that might have escaped her. “You might be onto something.”

“I could have eaten two more bowls.” Kinkade muttered. “That was…sufficient.”

He snorted, throwing his arm over his eyes. “More than sufficient. I feel like I actually ate food. We might need to be on the lookout for a few more things. Maybe a couple more rabbits.”

“And flour.” Vi murmured. “Masa, maybe. We could do flat bread.” 

Full or not, his stomach rumbled at the thought. “Oh. Yes we should do that. Save the rations for when we need them, but we can hunt and cook for ourselves.” He liked the idea of self-sufficiency. They were begrudged any extras by the officers. But if they could use the away missions to take care of themselves and come back full, it made tactical sense and it gave him an emotional high of looking after his own needs. 

The rest were quiet, Kinkade finally broke it. “We’ve come a long way from vending machines.”

And the laughter that followed fueled the warmth that had settled in his stomach. Everyone else could hide behind the barrier, but for him and his team – they would take care of themselves.


End file.
